“I would rather go through life sober, believing I am an alcoholic, than go through life drunk, trying to convince myself that I am not.”
I knew that alcohol was more important to me than it was to the rest of the world. I knew I did it too much. I knew I didn’t like myself because I was doing it too much and I knew I would be better off if I stopped.
The absolute worst part of my whole drinking life was when I knew I needed to stop 100%, but I couldn’t get myself to do it. And I went through all the drama and chaos of trying to convince myself that I didn’t have to stop 100%.
You know what I’m talking about- all the different ways you try to control your drinking to convince yourself that you have some control- all the rules you put on your drinking to prove to yourself that you can handle it, all the promises you make to your self and your family that this time is going to be different and you VOW to yourself that you are going to try harder than you’ve ever tried before and this time it’s going to work- you are going to drink in moderation.
What makes me the most sad, for you and for myself- is how much time I wasted trying to figure out how to drink a little bit because I was so scared to not drink at all.
How many times have you said; you’ll only drink on the weekends, you’ll never drink more than 4 drinks in a night, you’ll only drink after 5pm, you’ll just have a couple of glasses of wine with dinner, you’ll only drink after the kids are asleep, you’ll drink a glass of water between every drink, you’ll only drink wine or beer, but no liquor, you’ll only drink one drink an hour, you’ll only drink a couple of times a year, on special occasions or on vacation…
And the most sad part of all of this, is how much time we waste playing these games with ourselves. Wanting so badly to convince yourself that you don’t have a ‘problem’ that you are willing to waste another 6 months or another year of your life trying to prove it.
You have to be honest about what your situation is if you want to start to change it.
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