For me, drinking was survival. It was not fun anymore. I hated it. I felt like its hostage, and I despised it. And at the same time, I knew I couldn’t survive without it.
When I was living that life, I didn’t have a choice. Alcohol had me brainwashed, and the bear was fully in control.
And you don’t have to drink the same quantity as me to get to that place. It doesn’t take a ton of alcohol to hijack your brain and I know you know that because you lived it, too.
But here’s the catch- once we have some time without alcohol, that physical withdrawal is over, the mental fog starts to clear a little bit, and if you are doing some intentional, purposeful work to be a sober person, that bear is starting to lose control. He’s losing his grip on you and you are making your own choices now.
Once you get a few weeks, a few months- you have made the choice a million times to not take a drink- so you know you’re capable.
You have also made a million other choices like seeking out podcasts, going to meetings, reading books, getting a Coach- you are making choices every day. And this is where I get confused when people say they ‘hope’ they don’t relapse. Why ‘hope’? You don’t ‘hope’, you DECIDE.
The truth is, when you are trying to control something, it’s because you’ve already lost control. And that is the crux of alcoholism and addiction. It’s not how much you drink or how often you drink, it’s the loss of control when you drink.